How to Speak Like a Eurocrat in 2023 – POLITICO

Surely we can all agree: the last thing the European bubble needs is worn out, outdated and arcane jargon.

Brussels is a place full of “global players” that you won’t see in the movies; “instruments” that do not produce music; and “resolutions” that come to nothing. There are so many acronyms that communicating in this city feels like surviving an explosion at an alphabet soup factory.

But let’s be realistic. There is no hope of permanently eradicating jargon in Brussels. So the best option is to improve the quality of common expressions we use and, dare we say, sex up EU speak to improve all of our lives.

So which words should enter the EU lexicon next year? Let’s find out:

Melody: The boredom felt by far-right leaders during their trips to Brussels.

Flag station: Like stagflation but with lots of EU flags to give you the impression that someone has the economic crisis under control.

spitzen-cut-the-shit: When you interrupt someone who is explaining the Spitzenkandidat process for you, because there is no point in knowing something that will never be used anyway.

A Double-Borrell approach: Tackle a complex and historically sensitive topic – like the EU’s geopolitical relations with the outside world – with all the skill of a shotgun.

Orbankrupt: When you are ruined morally and financially at the same time.

Schadenbrexit: A sensation felt in Brussels on learning who the British Prime Minister is this week.

Liquidity: The chemical compound produced when solidarity comes into contact with EU institutions. Especially if Germany is involved.

Ursula von Denying: Refusing to let anyone touch your phone in case they come across your text messages.

Ignored stream: When you block all criticism while pursuing a strategy that inevitably ends in disaster.

Musk Ovite: Any clueless but opinionated blogger who engages in debates about Russia’s war in Ukraine on social media.