The Liebke Report Card – Australia v South Africa Second Test


Before the second Test, all the talk was whether Josh Hazlewood’s return from injury would knock Scott Boland out of the starting XI.

Luckily, Hazlewood came across his sword – why was the sword in training? Only Josh knows – and has declared himself unfit to play. Not just a great fast pitcher, but also a savvy marketer.

Here is the report from the second test between Australia and South Africa.

The most Australian cricketer of all time

Rating: A-

After the inevitable first wicket of the Boland Test, South Africa appeared rather serene for the first session.

Well, by “without trouble” I mean, of course, that Dean Elgar was let go twice and he was thrown once without the bails dropping. Elgar is apparently the dean of the University of Extra Batting Lives.

However, just when it looked like Pat Cummins’ decision to play first would backfire, South Africa lost three wickets for two runs before lunch. One of those wickets was Elgar, who was out for the first time in his long career after Marnus Labuschagne rushed in and threw the stumps at the bowler’s end.

Foolish. Elgar of all people should know that South Africa has always produced some of the best defenders in cricket.

The only other notable partnership in the early innings came between Kyle Verreynne and Marco Jansen. But watching a great cricketer prove his versatile credentials suddenly gave recent triple millionaire Cameron Green an idea.

Remember you can’t spell triple millionaire without IPL.

Green came to the bowling green and immediately proved his golden arm credentials once again, sending both set hitters back on the way to his first five-wicket test.

Green with an arm of gold is perhaps the most Australian cricketer of all time.

Flaming chariots

Grade: B+

Australia started day two with David Warner and Labuschagne at the crease after Usman Khawaja sensibly lost his wicket the day before to avoid the prospect of playing cricket in the disgusting Melbourne heat that swept the city during a flaming tank on the second day.

After just a few slashes in the scorching sun, Labuschagne also decided he’d had enough, sacrificing himself in a race so he too could return to the air-conditioned locker room.

People laugh at Marnus, but he’s a man who respects the simple joys of spending a scorching summer day sucking on frozen watermelon while relaxing in the locker room inflatable pool.

But Warner and (obviously) Steve Smith were too stubborn to stop playing cricket just because their vital organs were on fire. Instead, they fought in the highest partnership of their long career together.

Great stuff. Great, stupid stuff.

Australia, however, failed to do so in terms of players overworking themselves in the heat. This idiot, Anrich Nortje, ran and threw a bowling period at over 150 km/h.

Impressive, sure. But also crazy. Like building a house entirely out of discarded spatulas.

David Warner celebrates a double century. (Photo by Darrian Traynor/Getty Images)

The first law of robotics

Rating: A

Heroically, Nortje failed to ignite during his over-enthusiastic bowling spell. But there were reasonable fears that if he tried to repeat the effort he might not be so lucky, without burning.

It was a problem. The first law of robotics states: “A robot cannot harm a human being or, by inaction, allow a human being to suffer harm”. And so, SpiderCam sprang into action, surging out of nowhere to crash into Nortje in an effort to give him some much-needed meaning.

Inevitably, the woke left was angry at SpiderCam’s heroic actions, calling for its cancellation solely on the basis that it was out of control and crashing into cricketers.

To grow. Dozy fielders oblivious to the prospect of stealing robots are ruining the sport. If anything, there should be Following drones launching blind attacks.

Are you telling me the Big Bash Power Surge wouldn’t be enhanced if the field team simultaneously fought off an attack from Skynet?

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Rating: A

Neither the heat nor the rise of our robot lords could prevent Warner from reaching a century in its hundredth test. In doing so, he became only the second person (after Gordon Greenidge) to score a century in both their hundredth Test and their hundredth ODI.

And, sitting on 99 T20 internationals, that certainly opens the door to something truly remarkable in Warner’s next short-form game.

Should Cricket Australia schedule a T20 against, I don’t know, Liechtenstein, after this series in South Africa? Common sense says yes.

For no immediately obvious reason, Warner then fired up to reach a double century before almost instantly shutting down after doing so (and ending his Toyota Leap of Celebration™).

He retired injured and was assisted off the field, returning the next day to be kicked off the first ball like the great comedic character that he is.

Gorgeous giant puppies

Grade: B+

After Nathan Lyon came on and blew an inexplicable 25 on 17 balls, Cameron Green came back in the middle to hit with a broken digit.

The numbers were so broken, in fact, that he joined Carey in one of those partnerships between numbers six and seven in which eight and nine have already been fired. The digital mayhem of classic cricket.

Green hung out with Carey long enough to see the latter at his first probationary century. It was a ton that Green celebrated more openly and cheerfully than anyone on the court, like the magnificent giant puppy that he is.

It was a great moment in Australian cricket, as Carey became only the second batter in Test history to raise a century in David Warner’s 100th Test.

Day four began with the also-injured Mitchell Starc taking what was surely the best post-Mankad-warning-yorker-LBW wicket given on consideration in his illustrious career.

But other than that, South Africa spent most of their second innings wearing themselves out smartly to minimize the prospect of Nathan Lyon taking the four wickets needed to overtake Kagiso Rabada as the top Test wicket-taker in 2022.

A united team. Great to see.

In the end, South Africa’s reckless determination and a last wicket to Steve Smith (!) only allowed Lyon to equalize, and so the visitors leave for the third Test in Sydney with a moral victory in their hands. asset.

Also on this belt? One round and 182 races non-moral defeat.

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